


across our great divide

by theresonatinglight



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (but there's no actual rough sex), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Christmas, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Exes, Exes to Lovers, F/M, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Home for Christmas, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Break Up, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Rough Sex Fantasy, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28336107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresonatinglight/pseuds/theresonatinglight
Summary: She tells herself they're better off this way.Ben'sbetter off this way. It's the only thing that makes the ache in her chest subside, at least for a while.Five months ago, Rey broke up with Ben when she moved to London for grad school. But in the past five months, they’ve both realized just how much they still love each other.A story about two hearts: lost and found, just in time for Christmas.happiness // taylor swift // reylo evermore flash fic
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 11
Kudos: 41
Collections: Reylo Evermore Flash Fic





	across our great divide

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to the Reylo Evermore Challenge for the song “happiness” by Taylor Swift. I’ve loved working on this fic about love and loss and the spirit of Christmas, and I hope you love it just as much as I do. <3 Happy reading!
> 
> Important Note: I wanted to take the time to clarify the details of Ben and Rey's relationship in case any aspects make you uncomfortable, this way you have an opportunity to be informed before reading on. They started dating while Rey was an undergrad and Ben was a grad student at the same college. They met when he was her TA when she was a freshman and he was a senior, but they became friends and started dating after that, when she was a 3rd year undergrad and he was a 2nd year Masters student. They were not in a relationship at any point when he was in charge of her instruction. Ben graduated with his Masters at the end of their first year of dating. Rey was part of a 5 year co-op/internship program, so she graduated after 5 years of college. Our story starts halfway through her first semester of grad school, while Ben has been out of school and working for ~2.5 years.

\--

_across our great divide_

_there is a glorious sunrise_

_dappled with the flickers of light_

_from the dress I wore at midnight_

_leave it all behind_

_and there is happiness_

\- happiness, taylor swift -

\--

Rey thought she’d be happy by now. That she'd stop seeing him in every crowd — in every line at the café where she worked — only for his face to be replaced by a stranger's as he drew near. That she'd stop dreaming of him every night, the phantom feel of his arms around her middle, pulling her closer against his strong, warm chest. That she'd stop missing him in the morning, when the brisk October air leaves her legs cold and all she wants is to snuggle into his embrace.

She tells herself they're better off this way. _Ben's_ better off this way. It's the only thing that makes the ache in her chest subside, at least for a while.

She feels a bit foolish for still missing him. It's been nearly half a year since she moved back to London, leaving him and her old life behind to pursue her Masters. Their break-up had been amiable and mutually agreed upon. They'd been growing apart for some time, and a long-distance relationship just wouldn't have worked. So why is she still hurting?

Sometimes, when she's feeling especially low, she lets herself wonder what could have been. Had she been wrong? Could they have made it long-distance — scheduling Skype calls twice a week and texting every night? Fumbling through the awkwardness of phone sex, giggling together when it got too ridiculous to continue? She's not sure. All she knows is that she misses him. She’s so fucking lonely in this city. She has friends at school, but talking with them just isn’t the same as talking with Ben, who always _saw_ her in a way that no one else could. He made her feel like she wasn't alone.

More than anything, she wishes their last night had been different. _Better._ They'd spent one last night together after the break-up, teary-eyed and frantic, hands running over each other's bodies along well-worn paths, neither of them quite certain if they should prolong their passion or if any more than a quick hook-up would make things awkward and uncomfortable. _As if things weren't already_ , Rey scoffs to herself. If only it had been better — if only _she'd_ been better — maybe then, she wouldn't feel this sinking guilt and shame in her stomach every time she thinks of him.

His body had moved above hers, both of their motions expertly choreographed from the countless times _before_ …

 _Before_ they'd grown apart, his job and her schoolwork resulting in missed dates and weekly all-nighters, leaving them too exhausted and irritable for much intimacy past greeting each other with a peck on the lips each morning. They’d stopped eating dinner together at all since they both came home so late, they were starving. They had still slept next to each other when they got done early enough not to risk waking the other as they climbed into bed, but even those nights had been getting less and less frequent.

 _Before_ she'd been accepted into her top choice grad school in London and realized she'd have to leave him behind for the better part of the next two years. Was it really fair to keep him tied to her when she wouldn't even be around to hand him his mug of coffee and wish him a safe drive to work every morning? After all, that's basically all their relationship had devolved into. She had hardly anything to offer him to begin with — an undergraduate student with no money or family dating her former TA Ben Solo, who himself was a member of the local elite — who did she think she was kidding? With her in London, both of their love lives would have gone absolutely nowhere. Perhaps by ending things, she’d given him a chance at a _real_ romance. Part of her still holds out hope that he’s found that — no matter how much it would hurt her, at least one of them would be happy.

 _Before_ she'd broken the news to him — “I think it would be best if we separated, at least while I’m in grad school.” After all, long-distance relationships were challenging and complicated and she hadn’t wanted him to feel obligated to text all of the time. She _knew_ how busy Ben was. It just wouldn’t have been fair to expect that from him. Besides, Rey already had a plan: she'd move out the next day and stay with Rose for a couple of weeks while she finished finals, and then off to London. He'd looked surprised, then dejected, but had ultimately agreed. He hadn’t even _tried_ to keep her. Looking back, she thinks that was probably for the better; it had hurt at the time, but she’s not so sure she would have been able to stand her ground if he’d pleaded. A sad, hesitant smile had twitched at the corners of his mouth after he'd let her go. Then, he’d licked his lip anxiously before speaking again. "At least we have one more night together. Let me take care of you, just for tonight.” And she'd agreed.

She should have been more enthusiastic — more encouraging — during the whole thing. But to be honest, she'd been too busy holding back tears. He’d been attentive and sensual, as usual. Deep, serious eyes roaming over her face as he’d carefully monitored her expression for any dissatisfaction. And she’d tried her best not to get in his way. He had always been so good to her. _Too_ good to her.

It wasn't until they were both close to release that he'd slipped up. "You feel so good, sweetheart," Ben had whispered breathily between thrusts.

"Don't call me that," Rey had said too quickly, too much coldness seeping into her voice… and she'd watched as his heart shattered in front of her. Even now, five months later, she wishes she could take it all back. He'd hid his pain well, swallowing and closing his eyes tightly as he'd tried to keep his body from shaking. He'd lowered his head, peppering her collarbone and neck with wet, sloppy kisses to distract himself as he'd continued to press into her. But she knew him too well. She could tell that he was hurt. _You did that to him,_ Rey hisses at herself as she replays the memory of their last night. _If you ever had a shot at deserving him, you lost it right then and there._

If she could go back in time and redo that night, she would kiss him instead. Press her lips against his and rake her nails down his back, urging him on, begging for him to fuck her _deeper, harder, rougher._ She would leave marks all over his body and order him to do the same to hers. Something that would last forever, to claim her as his. After all, she was. And she still is, if she's honest with herself. No one else will ever make her feel like he did.

Rey wishes she'd left him with a better memory of her. Instead of whimpering into his shoulder as she came and then rolling over to fall asleep with her back facing him, she should have stayed up all night with him, murmuring his name like an incantation as she kissed her way across every part of him, imbuing him with her love and adoration and _regret._ Regret that she couldn't stay; regret that they couldn't be _more._

And… she should have woken him up in the morning, made him one last cup of coffee and kissed him gently and sweetly as she ushered him off to work. It might be the thing she hates the most about herself — the way she'd slipped out of ~~their~~ _his_ bed before he could wake; the way she’d waited to go back and collect her things until she’d _known_ he'd be out of the apartment. Just so she wouldn’t have to confront him. God, she’d been such a coward. If she hadn’t done all of that — if she’d said a proper goodbye instead of disappearing from his life like a ghost — maybe then… maybe then, her heart wouldn't still feel this raw.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please feel free to leave kudos & comments!
> 
> Chapter 2: glorious sunrise will be posted next week - I have it mostly written, and I'm just putting the finishing touches on. Hang in there - their HEA is on its way!
> 
> You can find me on Twitter: [@ellex66](https://twitter.com/ellex66)


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